He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
