Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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