Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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