i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's Friday. Sex?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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