oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
