He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
