32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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