I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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