PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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