I'm going to jail i love you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
