i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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