that's an acceptable place to lick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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