my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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