This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
