I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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