All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
