Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
