Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
