i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
