If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
