how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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