I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
