suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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