i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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