Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
