There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
