Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
