how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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