I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm just crazy horny about you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
