his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
