Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
