Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
