yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
