mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
