Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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