he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
