Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
