I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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