I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
