I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
soo... how was my night?
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