What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
