my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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