Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
