I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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