I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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