Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
