his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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