HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
