The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
