Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
