Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
